Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
