Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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