this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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