Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I didn't notice because vodka
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
