yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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