Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
