I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize