Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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