its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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