I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
