is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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