i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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