we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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