wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
