i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I want to fling myself into the sun
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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