I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
