Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize