i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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