drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
