the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize