My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
