The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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