Just fell off a train. Bad.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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