It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
accomplished twins. life is a go
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
