there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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