I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
