i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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