im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
