You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Randomize
