apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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