My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
