The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
