I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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