Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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