so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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