how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
