did you get engaged???
hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
