I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
How does one acquire holy water?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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