my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
