but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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