I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
