So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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