Porn is love you can see.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
