I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
