if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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