Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
