And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize