a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
