good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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