I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
it's great music for shaving your balls
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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