i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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