im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
