I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Randomize
