Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
