Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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