Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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