I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
