And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
