there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize