It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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