Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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