its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
