marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize