I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
sarcasm needs its own font
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
