Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
