Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
