By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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