I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
