She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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