i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Oh god it's open bar.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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