census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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