i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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