btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
