So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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