my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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